Deathly Dating

I've been avoiding this subject.. Why? Well, it is after all quite sensitive subject. I feel like this single world with all the rules is completely strange to me. I don't know how to play the game of love and actually I don't even want to learn it! At the same time you should be yourself but still not to reveal what's inside you... Excuse me?!? Should that make any sense? Well, for me it doesn't!

Bring it on I say, I'm ready for anything! This pic tells everything I feel about dating and relationships..
It really sucks but still I'm gonna take the ride, hard one as you can see ;D!

I've been wondering about the first impression.. One man said some time ago to me that I look and sound like fucking confident woman. I wasn't so sure if that is compliment, I doubt that! Many other has said to me that I look so strong and confident woman who knows what she wants.. Maybe some part of that is true, but most of the time I really don't feel like that! And what comes on dating; I'm just like poor child... So fucking confident isn't what I feel like, not at all!

Dating, deathly dating. Why do I call it like that? Well, I think dating really is deathly! Maybe it comes quite far away, somewhere deep inside me. First of all, I'm extremely afraid of falling in love! And falling in love REALLY is deathly! Okay, maybe I'm a bit too radical here: falling in love is also the best and the worst thing that can happen. The hardest part in dating is that there is a risk of falling in love. And every time there is also a risk of getting hurt, getting killed. So how can anyone say that I'm confident if I'm scared like hell something called love? And do I have courage to open myself to it? I doubt that one too!

I have dated 3 men during my single period. The funny thing is that they look, act and speak completely opposite than my ex did. And none of them are completely Finnish. They were so different! That is also so exiting but at the same time so scary, so strange. I've been quite confused and I don't have any idea how to handle that kind of men... The last one, he was totally mystery to me, even though he was very similar person than I am. And he, he was the one who broke the first protective wall of mine. He was so persistent! It took couple months, he worked so hard, but at the end he kind of won me, at least my trust. But then.. When he got me, he disappeared without an explanation. Typical man :D! So can you imagine how confident I was back then? 

It doesn't take forever to become attached to someone. It really takes courage to let someone into your life, into your heart. But the truth is that everyone leaves, if not at this moment then the other. Everyone leaves someday, it's the natural law. So it really takes courage, you have to be crazy to do that, you have to dare yourself into a deathly game, game of love! Still I think it's worth of risk. I'm not sure when I'm ready to take that risk again, but it really is worth it! And if I have to find something good in that kind of experiences.. Well, now I know I can fall for someone, I still can trust if I want so! And I can let someone in my life, in my heart if I really want it (even it scares the shit out of me sometimes)!  So do it! Because we are the ones who can make you love again ;)! 

This song is dedicated to everyone who knows what love is and most importantly to those who knows what is deathly relationship, deathly heartache! And still you give the change to someone else because the power of love is just too strong to let go! So make each others love, let yourself to feel love (it doesn't end badly every time, at least I hope so... Maybe I'll do that too, someday.. ;P)!